5 Things You Should Know If You're Getting Divorced (And Have Kids)

Getting divorced is never easy. It’s even harder when you have kids to think about too. So, it is true to say that the more you know, the better your divorce experience will be, and with that in mind, below are some of the key things you need to know when you’re getting a divorce, and you have children in the mix.

1. Physical Vs. Legal Custody: What’s the Difference?

Physical versus legal custody is one of the most important things you will need to get to grips with right now. These terms get thrown around a lot, but they’re not the same thing, and knowing the difference is crucial for avoiding confusion down the road.

Physical custody refers to where the kids actually live—who has them on what days, weekends, holidays, etc. If you have joint physical custody, the kiddos will split their time between both parents’ homes. If one parent has sole physical custody, the kids primarily live with them, while the other parent gets visitation rights.

Legal custody, on the other hand, is all about decision-making power. Who gets to make the big calls about your child’s life—like where they go to school, what kind of medical treatment they get, and whether or not they’re allowed to have a TikTok account (because apparently, that’s a thing now)? Joint legal custody means both parents have a say in these decisions, whereas sole legal custody means one parent calls the shots.

It’s important to understand the difference because you can share legal custody even if one parent has primary physical custody, and vice versa. They’re like two separate puzzle pieces that come together to create the bigger picture of your new co-parenting life.

2. Co-Parenting Doesn’t Have to Be a Battle

Speaking of co-parenting, it’s not all horror stories and dramatic text exchanges (though there might be some of that). If you and your ex can communicate effectively, co-parenting can actually go pretty smoothly. The key is to put the kids first—always. Easier said than done, right? But remember, this is about what’s best for them, not what’s best for you or your ex. (Pro tip: Save the snarky comments for your friends, not the drop-off line.)

There are also tools that can make co-parenting easier, like co-parenting apps that allow you to share schedules, track expenses, and even message each other in a more structured way. Think of it as your co-parenting buffer, and use it to keep things civil and organized. You don’t have to like each other, but you do have to work together—after all, you’re both still on Team Kid.

3. Prepare for Holidays Like You’re Planning a Heist

Nothing tests your negotiation skills quite like planning out the holidays post-divorce. Suddenly, Christmas, Thanksgiving, and even Halloween become complex logistical puzzles. The best way to handle this? Plan ahead—and I mean way ahead. Most custody agreements will include a schedule for major holidays, but it’s always good to have an open conversation (without throwing ornaments at each other) about what will work best for everyone.

You can alternate holidays, split the day (morning at Mom’s, evening at Dad’s), or even celebrate the holiday twice! Thanksgiving on Thursday with one parent and Friday with the other? Twice the turkey, twice the pumpkin pie—honestly, the kids might win out on this one.

4. Keep the Kids in the Loop (But Don’t Drag Them Into the Drama)

Divorce is hard on kids, no matter how you slice it. But one way to make it a little easier is to keep them informed in an age-appropriate way. Be honest with them about what’s happening, but don’t turn them into your therapists or drag them into the middle of any conflicts. The goal is to make them feel secure, not anxious.

It’s also crucial to remind your kids that the divorce isn’t their fault. It might sound obvious to you, but children often internalize things they don’t fully understand. Make sure they know they’re loved and that both parents will still be there for them, even if they’re no longer together.

5. Child Support Isn’t a Punishment

When the topic of child support comes up, things can get tense. But here’s the thing: child support is about the kids, not you or your ex. The purpose is to ensure that the children have the resources they need, regardless of which parent they’re with. It’s not about one parent “winning” or the other “losing.”

Child support calculations are usually based on a formula that considers income and the amount of time each parent spends with the kids, so it’s not arbitrary. And even though it can feel like a financial burden, remember: you’re investing in your kids’ well-being, which is always worth it.

It won't always be easy, but the more you know, the better placed you will be to have the best divorce you can have, and more importantly, ensure that your kids are well taken care of.